Ed. Note: News Flash. Seriously. This happened. Really. Way. To. Go. Justin.
Justin is on the right, and his dad, Samuel, is on the left.
By Nellie Andreeva for The Live Feed
Twitter sensation Shit My Dad Says is headed to television.
CBS has picked up a comedy project based on the Twitter account, which has enlisted more than 700,000 followers since launching in August and has made its creator, Justin Halpern, an Internet star.
“Will & Grace” creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick are on board to executive produce and supervise the writing for the multicamera family comedy, which Halpern will co-pen with Patrick Schumacker. Halpern and Schumacker will also co-exec produce the Warner Bros. TV-produced project, which has received a script commitment.
The comedy’s title will change if it gets on the air.
Halpern, 29, had moved back in with his parents in San Diego, and on Aug. 3 he launched “Shit My Dad Says,” a Twitter feed featuring colorful — often profane — comments and pearls of wisdom made by his 73-year-old father during their daily conversations.
- “Remember this: you’re just a lucky fucking guy. If people start telling you your dick looks bigger, remember that it’s not.”
- “You look just like Stephen Hawking…Relax, I meant like a non-paralyzed version of him. Feel better?… Fine. Forget I said it.”
- “Mom and I saw a great movie last night…No, don’t remember the name. It was about a guy or, no, wait.. fuck, getting old sucks.”
- “Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn’t invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that.”
- “I hate paying bills… Son, don’t say “me too.” I didn’t say that looking to relate to you. I said it instead of “go away.”
- “Oh please, you practically invented lazy. People should have to call you and ask for the rights to lazy before they use it.”
- “Nobody is that important. They eat, shit, and screw, just like you. Maybe not shit like you, you got those stomach problems.”
- “You worry too much. Eat some bacon… What? No, I got no idea if it’ll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.”
- “If mom calls, tell her I’m shitting… Son, marriage is about not having to lie about taking a shit.”
- “I need to change clothes? Wow. That’s big talk coming from someone who looks like they robbed a Mervyn’s.”
- “The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain’t like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain’t spitting it out.”
- “You sure do like to tailgate people… Right, because it’s real important you show up to the nothing you have to do on time.”
- “Just pay the parking ticket. Don’t be so outraged. You’re not a freedom fighter in the civil rights movement. You double parked.”
- “I like the dog. If he can’t eat it, or fuck it, he pisses on it. I can get behind that.”
- “Remember how you used to make fun of me for being bald?…No, I’m not gonna make a joke. I’ll let your mirror do that.”
- “That woman was sexy…Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won’t screw you, don’t do it for them.”
- “Son, people will always try and fuck you. Don’t waste your life planning for a fucking, just be alert when your pants are down.”
- “I wanted to see Detroit win. I’ve been there. It’s like God took a shit on a parking lot. They deserve some good news.”
- “We didn’t have a prom. Dancing wasn’t allowed…What’s Footloose?…That’s the plot of the movie? That sounds like a pile of shit.”
“Does anyone your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking.”
5 users commented in " Who Says Twitter Doesn’t Pay "
PERFECT! I was in need of a new hero and Samuel fits my present situation perfectly.
I’m with Conrad – Samuel should play himself on the show.
Hasn’t CBS heard of a show call “All in the Family” where the geriatric character says anything he wants? wait……they should search google.
Don…Perfect example. Oopps, I am now Archie’s age…
I am so glad this guy has the presence of mind to write this stuff down. So glad you shared it with us. I LOVE being in the “know”. I watched Tracy Ulman, Simpsons, Seinfeld, etc the year before anyone else knew they existed. I’d be taking mighty good care of the old fellow….
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