“I Slept With a Chimpanzee”
18 February 2009 151 views Comments (1)Folks, the Connecticut chimpanzee story has taken a turn towards the bizarre. A woman’s pet chimpanzee went on a rampage, eating her friend’s face and injuring two cops before somebody finally dispatched the beast to its final resting place.
Now Travis-the-Chimp’s owner is speaking out — and you might want to put down your Fruit Loops before reading the next paragraph.
Sandra Herold says that she shared her bed with the 200-pound chimp. “He was my life,” she said. “I cooked for him, I shopped for him, I lived with him, I slept with him. He was just everything.”
Ms. Herold tried to pull her pet off the victim using a shovel and a butcher knife. No one is quite sure what caused the melee, but police suspect the chimpanzee might have had some sort of reaction to herbal tea and xanax. Yeah. That’s what I was thinking.
Travis-the-Chimp was no ordinary primate. He had a fine taste in wine, surfed the Internet, and was potty trained.
His owner said the attack was just a freak thing.
Would I be out of line by suggesting that’s not the only freaky thing about this story?
—from Todd Starnes blog, February 19, 2009
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I’m sure the internet is boiling over today about this story and truth be told, I have had it in the back of my mind since I heard this news earlier this morning.
I don’t even want to get into the whole “I slept with a chimp” thing. I will leave that to Letterman and Jay Leno, today their joke writers are going bananas. Ok, bad pun, sorry. Plus, Travis is not even particularly handsome, do you think?
My question is simpler: What did the chimp need that she had go shopping for him? Besides chimp porn and bananas, what did Travis really need?
You tell me.
8 users commented in " You Can’t Make This Stuff Up: Chimp News "
“My question is simpler: What did the chimp need that she had go shopping for him? Besides chimp porn and bananas, what did Travis really need?”
Viagra?
(Oh my god, I just went there.)
That was too easy, Michelle, just too easy. You can do better, what else?
What he needed was to get out of that loony bin! Somehow, this fits in the same part of my mind with the woman who had the litter of kids that she has no way to support. Serious issues with some people…
1/3 of male chimpanzees in the wild are killed by other male chimpanzees. I saw an expert last night say that they get to a certain age and they go for dominance. Usually, somebody dies.
I knew I could count on you to bring some new additional facts into the discussion. I admit to feeling a bit sorry for the chimp, he was not to blame.
Darwin lives!!
I fail to see what the big deal is about this chimp and his lifestyle. Most men I know around here act the same way and do the same thing! Xanax, viagara, surfing the internet, drinking wine! Yup, He also acted in a way (protecting his female, perhaps). I could give you a list of men that have acted the same way. As far as doing his shopping? Again, don’t we do all your shopping? Boy, things must be slow and boring in the office to talk about a monkey.
Research Xanax and see what it does and also the poor chimp had Lyme disease. Give him a break.
I figure the chimp bought his own viagra while surfing the net. Shopping for a chimp? Snacks, clothing, soaps and hygene, toothpaste and brush (I would hope). Blankies, videos, toys. Yup, I could really spoil a pet chimp. But SLEEP with one at 200 lbs? NEVER
FYI it used to be in commercials or movies or something like that and well-trained with fans and a lot of people wish he wouldn’t have been killed. After seeing the guy with the new rubber nose after being attacked by another chimp years ago, I say “two in the head, you know its dead.”
The whole double entendre of the definition of “sleep” when we all know that even the lowest mammals will try to hump our leg is disturbing. So what would keep this huge chimp from…. You get the point. <<>>
Am I the only one who felt sorry for the woman? It sounds as if she was lonely. I may be hopelessly naive, but I didn’t interpret the “she slept with him” as dirty or kinky. For me it was just needing contact with a fellow creature. Yes, maybe she was a bit balmy, but for me that doesn’t make it any less sad. I figure we’re all a bunch of nuts so who are we to judge.
Clearly the story is a bit of a Rorschach test.
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