Dear Kid—
We just dropped you off at college. Your mom and I left a bit teary eyed just like we did when you went off to kindergarten. This time it’s different.
We know you will never really be home again. It is a big life transition. Heck, we may even turn your room into that home office we always wanted. Kidding.
Here are some things we forgot to tell you before we let you go.
1. You really aren’t all that special. Sure, to us you are. But as compared to others, you may well be right in the middle. How you do from now on out, will determine your “specialness.” In another words, tag you’re it. It is a big, cruel world sometimes but it almost always rewards the traditional good things: discipline, talent, skill, attitude, work habits.
2. The choices you make now will linger with you. College is a time for experimentation, we get that. But how you make those choices will set you up forever, not so much for those actual choices but how you make your decisions—are you with the peer group or are your own person. The practice you get now with this decision making process is more important than the actual choice.
3. Carry your insurance card all the time. I forgot to tell you that.
4. Make a lot of friends. More than that, resolve to learn something interesting and unique from all them. They all have deep stores to tell, let them tell you theirs and they will want to hear yours.
5. In your cell phone, please make us your favorites, and list us by Mom, Dad, or Home. That way, when you lose it, someone might return it.
6. You will see you can get by with a lot more. You can stay up too late, drink too much, not attend class, and more that we don’t want to know about. I don’t want to be a rain cloud here on your upcoming fun, just be careful.
7. Don’t call us all the time. I promise to tell Mom the same.
8. Learn to think, but get some facts too. You already know how to think, what you need to assume is that you actually don’t know everything.
9. Your favorite comment, “that is your opinion,” is sometimes misplaced, even stupid. Think first before you say it.
10. Divide the cost of tuition, fees, your room and board by the number of hours you spend in class/studying. Are you, er, we, getting a good value for the money?
11. If you think about it, this is a great time to change some things. If you think you have been too introverted, change. If you think you picked the wrong kind of friends before, change. College is a great time to make those and any wishes come true.
That’s enough for now. As always, good luck.
Love,
Daddy
Dad
10 users commented in " Dear Kid, On Being Dropped Off at College. "
Thanks for this. As a mom about to have her oldest son and first born go off to college, you hit this right on the head. It is like you were talking to my son. It may be hard for me to not call him all the time, but I will have to work through that. I have to trust that I raised him right and that he will take with him all the good I have instilled in him and that he listened and learned from me. Knowing that I feel I did a good job, I know he will do a great job as well. You just have to “Believe”..Thanks again
Something we could add: Even if it’s cool and others are doing it, don’t pretend this is just another time of your life. This will only come once. Revel in it.
Christine…sounds to me like you will have no worries. Just wait for the first Christmas vacation when he comes home, and gets back into the same old routine around the house..clothes on the floor, a mess everywhere he goes. You will then have the next big light bulb moment: that the memory of him being home is BETTER than him actually being home. Write back in January and let me know if this is indeed true for you.
Lol.
Thanks for stopping by, good luck to him. and to you in this new transition.
Wally…great comment. There is way too much time and energy being wasted on being cool…so many lost opportunities, too. Great comment, thanks.
I don’t have children and my parents didn’t drop me off at college but I still see the value in your list! I especially like the one about making friends, “They all have deep stores to tell, let them tell you theirs and they will want to hear yours.”
Maybe it’s because I dropped out and then went back to college in my mid-twenties but most of my close friendships were formed in college. The people you meet and the relationships you form when you’re forming yourself, they can have a profound impact on your life.
“Carry your insurance card all the time.” but leave your Social Security Card at home!
AAhhh! Emotional times, really love this. It is the final run isn’t it that moment when you realise that you have to let go and allow your child to make thre own way- and hope the upbringing and good advice put them in good stead for the rest of their life.
GL,
Carly (my new college kid) did great! So did we.
After her first dorm meeting, when we were all out for dinner, she made a very interesting comment, “I feel like a 10-year old with a bunch of college students.”
I told her “They felt the same toward you. They have no advantages.” Humans are great bluffers.
By the next morning, after a long night of talking with her new roommate, she was doing just fine. She’s already making a number of friends.
Love it! I think I’ll print and save it in my 2015 folder. I especially love #1.
GL – Again you nailed it. I want the whole book.
[...] August, 2008: Dear Kid, On Being Dropped Off at College What every parent wants to say when we leave you at college for the first [...]
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