The contrary paralegal manages a two-office law firm in the southwest, as well as her young family, which consists of ‘the man’ and her three ‘dramas’ whose names are 17 (or VT = vile teenager), 11 and 8. For 15 years she has worked in almost every area of the law - seen everything, mentored plenty, done a lot, learned more, and pretty much made herself irreplaceable. She is writing for WWDS when the mood strikes her. She’s irreverent, hilarious even, and very real. She might be EveryWoman, but she goes by UsedToBeMe. She blogs often at whyrustalkingme.

By UsedToBeMe, the contrary paralegal, exclusive for WWDS

Do you know how hard it is to work and get anything done when your day consists of this:

Boss walks in around 10:30 a.m. I’ve been at work two hours.

Boss: What are you working on?

Me: I am drafting an Answer for the Red case that is due tomorrow and then Interrogatory Answers for blue and then I need to order medical records on Y and Z as well as the police report in XXX.

Boss: Okay, I don’t want you to do any of those things. Your priority today is to draft the discovery in ABC and then I want you to crib the notice of fault in Green case.

Me: Okay.

Phone rings: Home office needs bla and bla and “walk me through how to do make an index.”

Half hour later:

Boss: We need to draft this letter and fax it right away. (proceeds to dictate over my shoulder)

Half hour later:

Boss: I need you to pull me the XXX file and then send an email to AAA that says blab la blab la bla ba. (dictates over my shoulder)

Me: okay.

Hour later:

Boss: Where is the discovery in ABC?

Me: I’m working on it right now.

Boss: Okay, hold off on that and draft that answer for Red that is due tomorrow.

Me: Okay.

Phone rings: Home office needs me to scan files and ask boss bla and bla and bla and get back to them right now. They have a deadline.

Hour later:

Boss: I need you to send this email and then call so and so and ask for a 30 day extension on our discovery answers in the XYZ case and the call the home office and get bla and bla and bla. Have them scanned down, then print them and give them to me. I need them ASAP.

Me: Okay.

Hour later:

Boss: Is the ABC discovery done? It needs to go out today.

Me: No. I thought we were working on the Answer that is due tomorrow?

Boss: Oh yea. Okay. Well, I have to go. See you tomorrow.

Me (thought but not spoken): Don’t worry about me. I’ll get the stuff done for tomorrow when you come in and change your mind again. And I’ll call the asshole attorney at home and tell him you didn’t mean to blow him off again so he can drill me with 20 questions that I know absolutely nothing about. And I’ll call the two clients you promised to call today and tell them you’re going to be stuck in court all day. Again. You go ahead. Enjoy your afternoon with YOUR family. Ass.