Years ago, Stanley Kubrick brought us Dr. Strangelove, a 1964 black comedy about the absurdity of nuclear weapons. It is a seriously great movie and everyone should be required, almost, to watch it. It is on DVD now. Peter Sellers was me.
Who would have thought that barely a decade later(1974-76), I would be living the movie as a USAF missile control officer. I was an Air Force officer in charge of a nuclear missile, in Kansas. I kid you not. My crew of four,–me, a lieutenant, and two enlisted kids, er, men would go out each day and run the silo. The missiles were Titan IIs, big mothers, one nuke on each missile. We would go down through big steel doors and lock ourselves in the crew compartment, a three story self-contained concrete and steel underground bunker of sorts. Two floors were full of equipment, consoles, radios, testing equipment. The top floor is where we took turns sleeping, because a tour of duty was about 30 hours or so. The job? We were there to maintain the missile and be ready just in case. It was the worst job ever. Imagine having a job where you hoped TO GOD, you never had to really do your job. The missile was down a big hallway, through several sets of steel and concrete doors, and sat about 100 feet tall…each day, we had to inspect a lot of details let me tell you. Mostly, like everyone in the military back then knows, we painted. Instead of cleaning, we painted. Gray.
Some gory details. It took two people to launch a missile from the silo. Both the deputy commander and me, had to turn keys nearly at the same time after authenicating a series of messages. One guy could not turn both keys at the same time. There were so many fail-safe processes built in the system, I don’t think many would have left the silo even if we had to fire them. They were all aimed at Russia, but we didn’t know exactly.
I hated the job. Imagine being in a power plant type setting, engine and equipment noises with wannabe generals back at the base, just trying and hoping to catch you doing something wrong. Plus, some pressure on you, too. I mean the officers in the silo wore GUNS. You know, just in case. Once I found my enlisted guys playing quick draw with the 45s, from then on I insisted on locking both guns in the safe during my crew shifts. There was a greater risk(accident) of being shot by one of my own guys than some enemy.
What I learned was you can always make something more out of any job. Because we worked such long hours, and weekend shifts counted for extra time off, I volunteered for weekend duty. So I was off most of the normal work week, Monday-Friday. I got extra civilian jobs in downtown Wichita. I worked at an advertising agency, taking the job for free since I had to prove myself to the owner. I worked at the United Way, and had my first startup experience…bought a bankrupt motorcycle dealership from a bank. I sold about 25 dirt bikes to guys on the base in about a month. Bought a Corvette with those ‘winnings.’ Life was good. But for the missile duty.
One early morning pre-duty briefing, we had a shoe and haircut inspection. My boss, a 40-year-old LC, was obviously enjoying this part of his job…making a negative comments on our hair and shoes as he walked down a line of us who had been put into “Attention.”
I put in my papers the next day.
23 users commented in " Dr. Strangelove and Me: What I Learned From Riding Missiles "
Wow, GL! At least you never had to ride one down to target, like ol’ Slim Pickens did…
I’ve often wondered just how tedious a job this might be. Not to mention the huge mental pressure on you as well. At the same time, it’s great that it provided opportunity – and now look at you! Way to go, Bud!
Thanks Robert. Your writing projects are the best, and since this one was about JOBS, I just had to participate. Yeah, that scene with Slim Pickens was the best. And, wasn’t he like the best character actor EVER. He and Wilford Brimley.
good thing all I had to do was duck under my grade school desk——
Sure, rub it in.
GL, you are a great writer! I’m glad you didn’t actually ride any missiles–and I love the way you walk us through the details of this job. The real dangers, the psychological dangers, and the annoying things.
The highlight for me though was this: “you can always make something more out of any job.” Man, if we can all just hold onto that hope, the world will be a better place.
I’m glad you wrote this. The kids should know whatever you can communicate to them about this. It was terrible and the potential has shifted to the terrorist front. The nuclear nightmare is the scariest of our era. The knowledge can’t be lost, because lost knowledge is all too often regained through hard experience. I am particularly sensitized to the loss of knowledge right now, because Carol’s Dad died this past week. We gave him a good sendoff, but that is a lot of knowledge put in the grave. There go we all.
I salute anything you can pass along and make Gen X and Y aware of.
GL,
A few comments are in order:
1. Your recollection on the LGM25C Weapons System isn’t bad…especially for a guy who despised it so much!
2. The good news about the 35-10 inspection that prompted the Lt Col to write you up due to your haircut and (lack of) shoe shine fortunately didn’t happen all that often.
3. By the way, the people nailed during those inspections really needed to to be nailed. I remember your boots–they had more mud on them than black dye. And as I recall you amost always needed a hair cut. Not pointing fingers here…I got nailed by the Wing Commander at least once!
4. For an Academy guy, you were the most non-military guy I ever met. (That could be looked upon as either a good thing or not so good thing–you decide).
5. In addition to waiting for something to happen, we also did A LOT of work at the complexes (besides painting). Interestingly enough, it was the processes and procedures we learned; the array of Tech Order Documents, the on-going training; and the need to do everything just right that laid the groundwork for me to do my job today! I guess that makes your comment making something more out job work for me as well!
PS When are we going to start working on your garage?
Luckily, Tom, you were there. You were a bit of an aberration, no ‘fense. You were good at the job, I mean in charge of training, no less ( I think). And still a good guy. Plus you helped me get through it.
great series about jobs—–I like your military stories GL—I am sure it was dull for you at the time—but way cool to read about today.
thanx
I have read where some of these missle complexes have been turned into condos—not much of a view
Yes, I never understood THAT. They would make a better granary than condo. But, the ultimate bomb shelter. The doors were like a foot thick and the doorcovering the missile itself was ginormous.
Hey GL!
I remember that Corvette……it was a beauty! I have always had a place in my heart for sports cars (even though the guy that drove this one was like a son to me, lol). You told me and number one daughter this same story the day your car was parked in front of my house and I felt sorry that you were in the situation that you were in but knew that you were doing what was necessary at the time.
Congrats on the new offer you have had….you have always done whatever you have done well and we are much proud of you……I’m a little Dutch as you can tell from my sentence structure and old enough not to care!!
Corky
Yes, i loved that car. Funny memories..my fondest memory of that car is when i took my mom for a ride, a month or two before she went into the hospital for her final visit. i lifted her into the car and went for a ride. She wanted to go faster, faster, faster. Let me tell, that car could go much faster than my dads el camino.
Read the short story “Game” by Donald Barthelme. It’s a quick, enjoyable read, about a man who’s working the exact same job you had. Read it here:
http://www.latexnet.org/~burnt/Game.html
Thanks Tom…for stopping by, first, and for adding to my pile of reading material. Have a great week!
GL……….I think your mother and I had a lot in common: I think we both had the same first names; we both liked to go fast in a car (the only new car we have ever had that I haven’t “tried out” is sitting in the garage waiting for warm weather for a trial run….every time I drive it Joe wants to know how fast it will go, lol, and so far I tell him the truth, “I don’t Know yet”.); and, we really loved our sons. I am happy to talk to mine nearly every day and that is where I hear the good things about you. Keep up the good work…….Abilene has produced some good men: Con, GL, Steve Doocy (recently voted into the Clay Center High School Hall of Fame), and of course, Ike (I think he liked the military, lol).
Corky
Tom…read that story, thanks for bringing it to my attention. He is a good fictio writer, for sure.
[...] Dr. Strangelove and Me: What I Learned From Riding Missiles, by G.L. Hoffman at What Would Dad Say [...]
Keeper of the keys. I’ll never think of this title quite the same way again.
[...] Dr. Strangelove and Me: What I Learned from Riding Missiles by G. L. Hoffman, the CEO and Chairman of JobDig, who was–get this!–an an “Air Force officer in charge of a nuclear missile, in Kansas.” Not sure what awards we’ll hand out, if any. But so far, you win, GL. That is insane. [...]
Oh my goodness – what a responsibility! I suppose people talk about war and weapons and such as abstract things that just work. Thank you for reminding us that a person has to do something to make it do its job….and thankfully you did not need to do anything!
Jackie
jackie…yes, you are right. IF I had to fire that thing…I guess people would still be talking about me though!!!????
Have a great weekend~ GL HOFFMAN, Minneapolis, dont forget what your dad said.
[...] Dr. Strangelove and Me: What I Learned From Riding Missiles, by G.L. Hoffman at What Would Dad Say [...]
[...] tap into … and work through … their unique mix of creative intelligences. One day you’ll ride missiles with GL … and on another … you’ll zip back in time … to laugh at the 1943 guide to hiring women. [...]
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