Izabella Tabarovsky is a highly regarded, Harvard educated career counselor whose blog is a daily dose of goodwill and good thoughts.

She recently interviewed Tai Ben-Shahar, author of “Happier,” and I thought it was worth repeating here. 

 

“My recent posts on happiness have turned out among the most popular on this blog. (See here and here.)  So I thought I’d drop Tal Ben-Shahar, author of Happier, a note and probe a little deeper into what makes for a happier work experience.  Tal was kind enough to answer my questions.

Question: You describe how Western society is deeply conditioned to think of work as a burden or punishment.  How can we overcome this conditioning and learn to view work, instead, as a potential source of happiness?

Tal Ben-Shahar: Often, all it takes to make that shift, is an awareness.  There is much research in psychology on the importance of focus and interpretation.  Two people can look at the same phenomenon, and interpret it in radically different ways—for instance, work as a chore or work as a privilege.  One of the exercises that I introduce in HAPPIER is rewriting your “job description” as a “job calling”.   This exercise can help us focus on the meaningful and pleasurable aspects of what we’re doing.

Q: People seeking greater fulfillment and sense of meaning in their work are frequently accused of being hopeless idealists.  You say that an idealist is a realist in the deepest sense.  What do you mean by that? 

TBS: Our nature is such that, to be happy, we need to have ideals.  And if the highest goal—the end toward which all other ends lead—is happiness, then our ultimate goal is to have ideals and strive toward them.  Those who frown on idealism, or try to do away with it, are in fact fighting their own natural needs.  Ideals are as much a need as oxygen or vitamins are.  When a need is frustrated, we pay a price for it.

Q: Many believe that following their heart means a lessening of ambition and certainly a sacrifice in success.  Do you believe that that is a choice we have to make if we want to be happy?  If not, how can one reconcile ambition and happiness?

TBS: I do not believe that the issue is having high expectations versus low expectations, much ambition and success versus less of both.  The issue is about having right versus wrong expectations.  If we expect additional income (assuming our basic needs are already met) and accolades to make us happier, then we have a wrong expectation—these things do not contribute to our well-being.  If, however, we expect that spending quality time with those we care about, pursuing meaningful goals, acting kindly and expressing gratitude regularly will make us happier, then we have right expectations.  It is not necessary to lower our expectations; it is necessary to focus on the right expectations.

Q: Many feel that it is selfish of them to be pursuing work that makes them happy.  What is your response to that?

TBS: When we pursue work that makes us happy, we are benefiting—and others benefit too.  Happy people are generally more generous, benevolent, kind, and open to others.  There is a reciprocal relationship between helping ourselves and helping others: when we help others we feel better about ourselves, and in turn when we help our selves we are more inclined to help others.  It is this virtuous cycle that we ought to cultivate and encourage in ourselves and others.”

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