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Re: Number 7. The Trick to Listening.

As communicators, we tend to focus a lot on what we are going to say or how we are going to respond (that is, on our own end of the conversation), rather than on “being in the moment” with other communicators and really listening to them, before formulating our own replies. Listening means forgetting our own messages (at least while the other communicator’s message is in transit), and trying to completely understand someone else’s point of view, before we respond with our own ideas.

You’re right, too…The more we really listen, the easier it is to validate others’ points of view, by recapping what they’ve said, or finding other ways to show we have listened and understood.

This point is helpful to me, as I start commenting on others’ blogs, for the first time. New to blogging, I felt a bit self conscious about responding to others’ posts, because I didn’t feel like I had a lot to add. That’s because I was too focused on what I would say, and not enough on the other blogger’s message.

By worrying less about my own point of view, and concentrating more on what other communicators are writing or saying, I find that I am now doing a better job validating others’ viewpoints, and as a consequence, am in a better position to add more value, in my own voice, and from my own point of view. I can do a better job responding now, because I have really entered into the spirit of conversation, where responses aren’t rehearsed, but the natural consequence of minds communing and creating new ideas, together.

That’s the paradox of social media and all communication–the more you concentrate on others, the more you find yourself. In a business sense, the more you give, the more you “get” back. And finally, the more you stop worrying about being liked, the more likeable you become.

I’d add, admit readily when you’ve made a mistake. Take steps to correct it and don’t look to point fingers or cast blame. The only people not making mistakes are those not doing anything. Admit, fix, learn and move forward. People will be astounded by your aplomb and your honesty.

So I try to cut that out, but it felt like I was depriving myself. I come across as a serious person, but really — I like to have fun.

That’s why I love the online community — it’s all words, no inflections.

When we regularly access these positive thoughts & feelings it changes our heart rhythms. When the heart rhythms are smooth, the signals that are sent to the brain become much clearer and allow for cortical facilitation.

As for the rest of the list – sound, practical advice. By learning to access these positive thoughts & emotions, one can reduce their stress so that they function at their best: emotionally, physically & mentally. Doing so, also makes the accomplishment of # 2 to 10 much easier.