Note: This resume was sent to us. We have removed the name and contact information out of general respect for the person. Please note his skill with a Lexmark printer.
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Profile
I have the ability to use Microsoft word, Excel, and power point. I have been a Microsoft word Certified assistant in Microsoft word. Excel attended a business &
Administration in Drums, Pennsylvania and Diploma HS
Graduate. Participate in Computer activities graphic designs
Typing memorandums paragraphs and words also to seek
Employment in administrative assistant with knowledge
Of using Microsoft word.
Employment skills
P In Administrative Assistance
P Lowest I will expect Salary 75,000 to 85,000 yearly
P Pay rate $12.50 to $13.00
P 5 Years Microsoft word certified
Work history
January 2006 - Recent
November 2004 – Present
xxxx Stores
Forestville MD, 20747
Position Sales Team member:
P Assist guest on prices for items.
P Listen to managers rules and follow supervisor’s directions.
P Listen to advice, and answer questions that guest ask me in a discussion.
P Help guest identify the difference in two different brand name items with two different prices; give them a good idea why they should buy that item.
P Prepare for head quarter visits listen to the managers and supervisors instructions on keeping the store clean and helping the sales move.
P Keeping a nice smile, and being helpful to guest.
P Helping guest find an item in the store and finding a price for it.
Education
Vocational Trade Center
July 2000- October 2002 Keystone Job Corps Center
Drums, Pennsylvania 18222
GPA: 4.0
Business & Administrative assistant graphic design
Microsoft word Certified, excel, and power point.
High school diploma,
Graduate with a Diploma.
Microsoft Word Certified
Microsoft Skills
P I have knowledge of using a Lexmark Printer that has a Scan/Copier inside Click on the file menu and print. Scan Documents by clicking scan, and Copier
P Use of opening applications on a personal computer
P I have the ability to type a Memorandum, at the rate of 37 to 45 words per minute.
P Using Mail Merge on Microsoft word, go to tools, letters and mailing.
P I have the knowledge of using a telephone by dialing the area code and seven digit number and communicating on an answering machine system.
References Available upon request.
50 users commented in " Worst Resume Ever "
Sounds like a good worker. At a pay rate of $13.00/hr and a desired 85,000 per year, he is willing to work 130 hours/week.
And I am sure he can do it, too. That’s only five days after all…he can have the weekends off.
I note that he can do mail mergesin MS Word, which I frankly have trouble believing anyone other than Stephen Hawking has figured out.
But seriously, if I were to put some of the CVs I’ve seen online, the Internet would end. I’ve seen “Oracle Uncertified” on a CV. I’ve seen CVs with embedded music videos. Not their own, crappy Arab pop music. No, I don’t understand why.
I got a CV once which was password protected. Needless to say, I wasn’t supplied with the password.
–
The Banjo Players Must Die
My new resume…
Hey, folks - I just updated my resume. Can you guys check it out and let me know what you think?…
first I bet it’s a “she”
> ability to type a Memorandum, at the rate of 37 to 45 words per minute.
> Using Mail Merge on Microsoft word….
Much better typist than me and I can’t do “mail merge”
Anyway, what a fvcking moron
Ah, I saw on a resume that one had much experience with the intersites. Either a moron of extremely l337.
Please send him back to jail.
Am I to understand that limited verbal skills, exposure to technology and job experience are grounds for public ridicule?
This person is obviously fresh out of high school and is looking for a way out of the big-box workforce. Yes, the resume looks and reads like shite, but so did all of ours at one point. Give them a break.
Microsoft + Job Corps = Winbonics
I am horrified…what kind of graduates are coming out of American High Schools these days?
And why doesn’t anyone care?
So…it looks as if he’d be best suited for a job programming computer drums. In Microsoft Word.
That is my resume. Why you making fun?
Was a picture included?
Um, is this real? I am kind of frightened if it is. Just sayin’.
I lol’d.
The candidate knows how to make long distance phone calls, and has worked at Target for over a year. That’s worth $85K.
Well, as much as I don’t like to admit it, I’ve been through the Job Corps Program, just like this person. There is no GPA progression for their programs. You have a checklist that you complete, and when done, get a handshake and a check for some cash, and a bus ticket home. THAT IS ALL!! They can argue that since I did the center in Texas, it’s different, but it’s not. The entire program is run by the Department of Labor, which is like many other government groups, unimaginative and uses the same program everywhere. I did the Computer Service Tech program, and even I had to do the Office Assistant program, which I think every one has to do. I can tell you,
I can tell you, I took 6 months to finish this program, and it really didn’t advance my career whatsoever. The maximum that they allow you to stay in the program at any one time is just a mere 2 years. Considering that this person took a little longer than that, they must have just been finally pushed out of the program. I saw it happen to a couple of people, during my 6 month stint.
> Scan Documents by clicking scan
You can’t tell them how to do it!!! Otherwise they won’t hire you to push the scan button…
Actually, this seems really sad to me. It is obviously written by an individual that isn’t terribly bright. It seems like this person tried very hard to put something together that would help them move up in this world. I don’t expect this resume would accomplish that. Needless to say, I’m just guessing, but that’s what it seems like to me.
I suspect this person may be autistic, and if so, should be very proud of his/her accomplishments.
I would still hire her depending on the attached picture
matelot wrote:
‘first I bet it’s a “she‒
Matenot?
Perhaps he suffers from a condition such as autism;
Hi,
I was wondering if anyone knows…
Where can I get the knowledge of using a telephone by dialing the area code and seven digit number and communicating on an answering machine system?
Thanks!
Come on guys, look at us. We have collectively created enough (type of) responses to actually make the comments section more hilarious than the original post. But having said that, stop making fun of someone when the person’s not even around here.
Rightly as someone said, big deal… the person doesn’t know articulation, and xxx and yyy and zzz … so what ? We all were there sometime. Glad that most of us learnt things before getting out of school, sadly this one didn’t.
Let him/her find a job. Its just an attempt.
I know someone who ACTUALLY WROTE this in his second attempt on a local language paper (hindi paper in his final year of graduation) that he had no way to learn (since he was from out of town).
(translated here in English for us to read)
‘Dear sir,
I study in a night school, work during the day. This is my second attempt, and I can’t afford a third. If you could please pass me. I don’t care about marks only if you could pass me.
Thanking you’
That man got his graduation degree, laminated it, shows it to his two sons now and then (yeah, tells them the truth too), is now retired, with both sons working as programmers, doing pretty well.
Of course it’s unfair, but are you sure that on hindsight what happened was not good ?
Sometimes, somethings are just the way they are. They could always be better but atleast one needs to make the most out of it.
Thanks to the poster for not writing personal details, but stop ridiculing him / her and let it be.
my 2 cents.
“So…it looks as if he’d be best suited for a job programming computer drums. In Microsoft Word.”
That cracked me up hehe…
But seriously, to the people defending this guy….. I could assault my laptop with a weedeater while I was drunk and come up with a more coherent resume than this. This guy has to have some sort of clue how bad it looks, why not just ask someone else for a little help?
i agree with noodles and crkrnl. i really think there’s a good chance that this person has autism in some capacity, and therefore really isn’t deserving of this public riducule. lots of sentences starting with “i have”, repetitive nature to each catagory… i’m willing to bet that this person was following a template for how to write a resume and got lost within it, which would explain the terrible structure to it and contradictory statements. but this person isn’t as stupid as most of you are making him or her out to be; nothing is spelling incorrectly, and things are generally accurately capitalized.
i’m a little ashamed that somebody thought this was an appropriate thing to post and invite comments (of a mocking nature) to.
and matelot? learn how to formulate a sentence of your own before you go calling someone else a “fvcking moron”.
Oh please. Anyone deserves ridicule for making a resume that reads like this and listing Target as work experience and having the gall to ask for 85k a year.
The sad thing is that there is a good chance this guy will get a job. Kinda pisses me off.
Jonas,
What’re you saying might be true if the words were in some sort of recognizable order. This resume reads like it could have been made with a random word-jumble generator. You’re cutting whatever idiot wrote this entirely too much slack. I’d expect this from a 3rd-grader, not a high school graduate.
On the other hand, perhaps I should expect this sort of nonsense from high school graduates.
am i the only one that finds this so sad?.. man, i just hope it’s not real.
To all the people who said we shouldn’t laugh at this:
Are you really that worried about being politically correct? It was a horribly written resume, by a person who is actually demanding at least $75,000 a year. Laugh at it and move on. Why is everybody so worried about hurting his feelings? Do you really think he’s going to come to this website and read that? Why is it okay to make fun of other people for being stupid (*cough* George Bush *cough*), but not this random person who’s never even going to know you made fun of him?
I dropped out of high school, and write infinitely better than that. So, anybody who said “give him a break, he just graduated, and we all were like that at some point” is also a moron. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t written like that since the 1st grade (if then). And, I sure as hell don’t have the audacity to write like that, and then demand an extremely high salary. So, to everybody who’s trying to be politically correct, get over yourselves and get a sense of humor.
you can not spell
you lie about GPA
you can not add
you will not be hired
Sadly enough, when I was in college, I was in a leadership position that gave me the priviledges of seeing my fellow students’ resumes. The whole “Why can’t the co-op people place engineers in co-op positions?” question really irritated me. Then I saw their resumes, and it made me cry. Spelling errors and grammar errors galore… and that was just the start of it. Many were very comparable to this.
What does this say about the education these people have gotten? *sigh*
I think I got a headache from trying to read this. I agree with the guy above who said the person could maybe get a job programming computer drums. In Microsoft Word.
To me this reads like a resume of a mentally handicapped person, but I don’t think its autism - autism doesn’t fit well to the previous job in a store and I would expect an autist to be able to calculate hourly and yearly salaries to match each other. Pretty funny in parts, esp the salary expectation, but I stopped laughing halfway through the resume because I feel sorry for this person.
Alternatively it could be a resume by a person who was not really interested in the job anyway and just didn’t bother to put a minimal effort into this resume.
It’s really sad that so many people find this funny. The individual who wrote this could either be ill or could have had learning disability. Yes, he/she might have been just terribly dull, but that just makes it sadder.
What does it matter if this person is ill? or handicapped? or just stupid? It doesn’t because none of you mooks has a clue. For all anyone here knows, myself included, this could simply be a joke; something made up for our entertainment. Is the resume sad? Yes. Is it funny? Absolutely.
Get over it. You don’t like it, don’t read it. It’s a horrible attempt at getting a job regardless of who wrote it. If anything, take a lesson from it. If you’re autistic, handicapped, ill, retarded, an engineer, or just plain stupid, get some help. If you’re none of the above then enjoy it for what it is: humorous.
Hey, I can do all those things and more! I’ll work for his requested wages and I won’t even drool on anything.
P Also, I have the abilities to
P Submit comments by
P Clicking the submit
P Comment button
Even if you edited his personal identification out, this is exceedingly unethical. There’s enough information in his/her work history to uniquely identify him (names and phone numbers of previous jobs, in particular), in addition to good old general principle. Anyone who’s ever put a job application out has seen a lot of bad resumes - from people who’s front page looks like crap in any browser but internet explorer, for example *cough http://blogs.jobdig.com/*
It is really sad that you have reposted this to your blog. This person obviously is lacking in the basic literacy skills needed in todays world. Your posting this is a mark of your character, or rather your lack of character. There are countless organizations in your community that are in desperate need of literacy tutors. Your energies would be better spent working to empower others rather than degrading them. What company do you work for again ?
Hmmmm. Interesting.
You can try http://resumehell.blogspot.com too.
Mexico has weapons of mass destruction.
I am sad for this person. I’ve had so many totally incompetent people apply for jobs at my small company. I’m sorry for them.
However, as we face a growing recession brought about by the traitor Bush, what can we do?
For those worried about ‘hurting someone’s feelings’, this resume is a prime example of such a philosophy (also relying solely on public schools for education and guidance).
Kids growing up with everything for nothing are entering the workforce, so be ready! The majority have never read a novel or even a map, watched a black & white movie, or had to entertain themselves for a day without technology or instant gratification. At least they’ll quit (without notice) before they get fired. There’s still hope.
Brilliant!
“I have the knowledge of using a telephone by dialing the area code and seven digit number”
Kinda funny, but this person clearly has autism or some other condition. I think this has been taken far enough…
[...] read more | digg story [...]
Wayne…
\”…For example, my customers can call the phone number listed on my website and reach a human operator (rather than just a recorded message) at any time of the day or night…\”…
Hi,
Very usefull info.
Cheers!
CV Creator
I am currently attending the same job corps center as this person did. I can not say enough for everyone doubting the authenticity of this resume that it is 100% real. Most of the students from this center come from inner cities and receive very little education prior to attending classes here. It is impossible to teach the english language in two years along with a trade. Even so, many of the graduates do get good jobs when they go home. I don’t know why or how but the program does help them even though they are still ignorant. It is very sad and I wonder if they even have a chance to be successful. What is going on in these cities? Is it the students’ or the schools’ fault?
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