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… or, How to Train a Pit Bull, by Conrad Hake. special (?) to WWDS

Conrad Hake, 58, lives near the Silicon Valley in California. He grew up with me back in Abilene, KS, where I remember he was just about the toughest 165 pound lineman we had. He was wicked smart and now has his own consulting database business advising some of the earth’s best techies. He enjoys writing, giving advice and following his daughter’s choral group around the world, literally.

 

Two or three times a day, I take our Pit Bull for a walk around our neighborhood. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that a man who can barely see 50 in the rear view mirror should never have a Pit Bull any more than he should pierce all available parts of his body, but how my wife and I ended up with one is a long story. Suffice it to say that our six year old Pit Bull loves our five year old granddaughter.

In any case, this dog, which we’ve really grown to love, was a handful. Way too much energy and a head that should be classified as a weapon. He’s a pretty Pit, Staffordshire Terrier really, and is kind of like Petey on “Little Rascals.” He’s sleeker and taller than most Pits, but that is like saying Popeye certainly looks trim after Jenny Craig. It’s like saying that he can probably only pull 25 times his own weight rather than 30 times like most Pits (did you know they are the only dogs who can do that?). It’s also like saying he’s faster! He’s deadly, too, as witnessed by $3500 damage that he and our Lab/Doberman mix did to one another before the Lab got too old and finally this last year got to rest in dog heaven away from this little shit.

Why I see 65 pounds of muscle as little, I don’t know, but we decided it was time to shape the little guy up. So we sent him to boot camp with some disciples of Cesar Milan. He was supposed to go for one week, but ended up there for 2 ½ weeks. He came out a different dog – but then we had to become different people. I’m kind of afraid of dogs, especially when they growl and bare their teeth. I had to combat that fear, because what we learned was that Eligh had to be demoted. The trainer said that since we weren’t dominating him, he was taking leadership in the pack and making bad decisions (we loved that phrasing). So, we went through the process of gaining dominance.

If you want to go this route, it’s best to wear Depends! There is no automatic acceptance of new status on the dog’s part. He doesn’t want to do it and he makes a VERY convincing show of resistance. Until you realize, as you start winning the battle, that he is much more at ease the more YOU win. Running the pack has been way too much of a burden for him. Still, one of life’s lessons is that no one GIVES you authority, you either assume it or take it.

Now, he is a much more peaceful dog – and we walk down the sidewalk with him and watch all the approaching strangers quietly find their way to the other side of the street where they wave greetings at you and tell you how beautiful he is. There’s only one thing I don’t get…why has evolution spared Chihuahuas? The big dogs kind of size each other up and are quietly respectful. But Chihuahuas and their brethren attack and – I believe – if unrestrained would come right on after Eligh. So, how do they survive long enough to breed?

Want to start and run your own business? Where I put Pit Bull above, substitute employee. They aren’t really comfortable running the pack either… even if they act like it.

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