Thanks to Nick for turning me on to this book.
From Mindset, the New Psychology of Success– page 169
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Parents and Teachers: Messages about success:
“Listen for the messages in the following examples:
“You learned that so quickly! You’re so smart!”
“Look at that drawing. Martha, is he the next Picasso or what?”
“You’re so brilliant, you got an A without even studying!”
If you’re like most parents, you hear these as supportive, esteem-boosting messages. But listen more closely. See if you can hear another message. It’s the one that children hear:
If I don’t learn something quickly, I’m not smart.
I shouldn’t try drawing anything hard or they’ll see I’m not Picasso.
I’d better quit studying or they won’t think I’m brilliant.
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Does this mean we can’t praise our children enthusiastically when they do something great? Should we try to restrain our admiration for their success? Not at all. It just means that we should keep away from a certain kind of praise—praise that judges their intelligence or talent. Or praise that implies that we’re proud of them for their intelligence or talent rather than the work they put in. We can praise them as much as we want for the growth-oriented process—what they accomplish through practice, study, persistence and good strategies. And we can ask them about their work in a way that admires and appreciates their efforts and choices. “
5 users commented in " An Eye Opening Read: “Mindset” by Carol Dweck "
So I am going to be difficult here. Is what counts really just time and effort?
I am not sure we are doing our children favors by teaching that “trying really hard” is the be all and end all. It will be a big shock to them when they hit the working world and find out results matter!
Somewhere we have to make a place for excellence.
Certainly, it is results that matter — i think her major point is how one teaches others to get there.
I do know that if kids feel they can’t do it or encounter failure along the path they give up. We do need to see where their strengths lie so we can help them be all that they can be.
This topic seems to be in the air. Jeffrey Zaslow had a piece in last Thursday’s Wall St. Journal on this general topic. It’s excerpted in my blogpost from Friday—you can get to his article from there. Hey, he disses Mr. Rogers! What’s the world coming to??
I get your point about the reinforcing mindset. You should reward or reinforce the actions or behaviors, not the inferred talents or intelligence. It is those persisting habits and behaviors that create good ‘results.’
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